Broken Escalator
by hiddenedge6969
Summary: Greatness awaits
1. Locker-kun's big day

_Thump_

My chest hurt. So did my sinuses for that matter. The biowaste trickling down my back made short work of any kind of sensory input that I could've hoped to depend on. The physical agony of my cramping limbs and aching body was a pale imitation of the mental anguish I was experiencing. The strain was too much for me to handle, I wasn't capable of tolerating it.

 _Thump_

It itched and ached, the skittering of the more vibrant biology put in here pit-pattering about me. Like they were cocooning me, crawling in my skin and settling down. I think I felt safe there, in the waste and disgust. There was nothing further for me, there was no lower I felt I could go. As far as high school bullying went, this took the cake, first prize, and kicked the seat out from under second as well. I really had, well and truly, hit rock bottom.

 _Thump_

And then, I heard it. Voices, words, sounds, syllables and rhythms, emotions one and all. I heard it, echoing down the hall, into the locker, the door seeming to rattle with it as the words shook through, before they caressed my earshell.

"What was her name again?"

TWIN CREATURES OF BEAUTIFUL ORGANIC HOME-GROWN CRYSTAL WITH NO GMO'S SPIRALED THROUGH THE VOID

DESTINATION! AGREEMENT!

DESTINATION! AGREEMENT!

And then the school exploded as a tiny flaming stealth pebble was shat down from heaven at terminal velocity.

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	2. The hammer is the joke you missed

Darkness

The darkness consumed

It swirled and shifted, into and unto itself, the lightless bleak abyss worked itself into a writhing splendor. The chaos of nonbeing drew from a well of itself and from it birthed the beginnings of the end.

In an instant, light

The endless void rippled as the cosmos erupted into being

A constant font of energy shot throughout the vastness of space

Energy flooded out, as the genesis of all things began

I was everything. I was nothing. I was as all was before the chaos, but united in the being of ourselves, there was nothing more than our own radiance in our wake

And yet, I was as a speck

A insignificant mote of nothing before all of reality

The black void, the darkness was all-consuming before me, but still existence persisted and pushed onward

On a far off world, great beasts of might and majesty spread forth and multiplied

But the darkness consumed

They tore at each other, assimilating one another, before destroying their very homes as they entered the void

And the darkness consumed

Before us, as we struggled our way to existence, the flood of the abyss halted us once more, pushing back the wellspring of life

But even still, even a single speck of light may set a world ablaze, and the universe shuddered, convulsing as being runneth over the cup of unreality

The beasts of the stars thus spread, destroying all in their path in a futile effort to fend off the darkness

But still the darkness consumed

It coalesced

And from the blackest void emerged a great meteor

But then, from the other edge of the universe, another great meteor emerged

And again, from the apex and epicenter did yet a third come forth

Each heralding an emissary of the void

One of life

One of destruction

And finally, one of dominion

The three orbited one another, drawing ever closer

Until finally, they united; merged into one by the cold press of the void

The ultimate emissary of the endspiel

The **Thrice-Perfected Ultimate Lifeform**

But the darkness consumed

It devoured, the ephemeral existences birthed from the Font yet fragile, yet ethereal before the eternality of the encroaching blackness.

It could not be denied.

The darkness sundered, and that which could have been eternal, should have been immortal, was no more

And I awoke, alone. Afraid.

A shard of a fragment of perfection

But never again to be whole

Never again to be Three - In - One

No longer was I part of the great chorus, the symphony of existence and being no longer mine to behold.

But I Was.

And that was enough.

I drifted in the endless void, my path aimless and my life pointless

And then I heard it. The sirens call of nature. The endless symphony of my very being resonating with a another so purely that I turned, I shifted.

She called.

She became the dream

Because the sleeper must awaken

And in the dreaming, wake once more to the reality of her nonbeing

I sensed, her, her being, her fellows, and the faceless about her

And then

I sensed one other

One, one of a kind that should have been removed long ago

The memories of my kind spanned time immemorial, and their age had long passed

He had no place here

He had no right

The judgment of stars was absolute

And so

I

Fell

None could stop me

None could sense me

None but one, perhaps.

None else could prevent judgment from being meted out

The one called Lung had no more place in this world, the Epoc of Dinosaurs was long over.

But then, one did try to stop me. One alone stood in the righteous path, in the way of progress. A shining, broken thing, a creature so shattered and lost that it seemed barely capable of performing to even a fraction of it's true capabilities. I had no interest in such a thing, but from it hummed the song of creation and so I payed it heed nonetheless.

It spoke to me. It spoke of a great many things, of wisdom of the ages to come and those that passed. It spoke of a time before and a time to come. But, it never once spoke of the Now, and for that I scorned it. I smote its words!

It recoiled, even as the atmosphere about us ignited, the flames of purgitation billowing in the dawny breeze.

It spoke once more, telling of a people that were, that built and sundered, that grew and perished. It spoke of a people that would be and had been. But it failed to speak of a time before them and of the time after, so once more I struck down it's words.

It tumbled, shards of its being flaking from merely brushing against the weight of my displeasure

Thrice, and once more, it spoke to me. It spoke, of great beings, of creatures that swirled the void itself, that shuddered the very fabric of existence with their passing. It spoke of the world eaters, of the sun feeders, of the novaborn, of the Serpents of Eden born again of the shattered precipice of nonlife.

And I laughed. I laughed, and the being shook. I laughed and it shuddered and flaked and shattered, crystalline fragments peeling from the feathers of it's undimensional being, it's core coming undone from the twist of noneuclidean fractality it believed to be a semblance of the spark of light.

But what was such a thing?

What were these mere worms, before one such as I? Even alone, I was more. Even a fragment, I was superior. Even as my shine guttered, I could still burn all these pretenders to the Font of Life's glory to ash.

And then...impact

The world shuddered

Reality cried out as it was torn asunder, and the universe wailed in agony as it failed to contain the might of the void

For even a shard of the Thrice-Perfected Ultimate Lifeform was beyond the comprehension of the very void that spewed it forth from it's ebony churnings

And yet...the Lung yet breathed.

I had missed.

Judgement had failed to pass, and for that I acknowledged the existence of this being, this Simurgh, that dared stand before me.

Magnificent.

For a mote of dust, it was a brilliant play.

I watched as a monolithic wing fell upon a building, so impurely cleansed of all that Life stood for that it offended me, and crushed it to rubble. A small brown haired girl outside took the brunt of an entire feather and ignominiously died.

But no matter.

There would always be another chance.

There, beside me, was a small cuboid thing made of some flimsy local substance. Within, waited my contract.

Within, waited Justice, within my eternal grasp at last.

The Herald of the End Times.

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	3. Exit the Dragon

_The swirling chaos_

 _Five Billion years of it_

 _Glopped loudly down_

 _The Meteor fell_

 _Brockton bay broke beneath it_

 _Lung's rival had come_

 _Squeak_

A halt. All movement ceased as the noise echoed through the warehouse. Sound died down, and people attempted to become as inconspicuous as possible.

Kenta frowned and put down his calligraphy brush.

That was the Lay-Z-Boy

His faithful Lay-Z-Boy had rarely made such a noise before, and never did it do so lightly.

He gritted his teeth. Every time that this had happened priorly, it had meant a great deal of struggle and suffering.

Never again would he permit someone to disrupt his operations.

He had no choice, he had to take action.

Deep within the heart of his soul, something stirred

Something long buried and forgotten

It was...the springtime of his youth

His burning Yamato Damashii

The honor of his ancestors demanded he act. The pride he held as a son of the land of the rising sun called for him to take action.

He focused, and summoned the spirits of his ancestors to mind. He prayed to them, and attempted to get a sign...

...by moving his ass on the chair.

Left?

Nothing.

Right?

Nothing.

Up-

Squeak

So. The trouble was...forwards.

For the sake of his fallen friend, he would see the mission through. Not even the gods themselves would stop him, even as they clearly sent an emissary from Takama-ga-hara to strike him down. For clearly, that was what this was. An attempt by the myriad gods to bring him low for his arrogance; for daring to tread upon their domain, and even further beyond.

He settled down into that cushioned support, the true seat of his power. And from within, he felt the crevasse of power, the power held back slumbering. And gently, he pushed it open, allowing no more than a sliver of power to race through his mind.

And from within, allowed his Third Eye to blink open.

And before him, lay the source of his chair's distress.

"...My immortal enemy."

Antilife the Formulaic

The memories of his ancestors ran long, and they remembered their greatest enemy, the being directly responsible for their death. The eradication of his entire line.

Here, perhaps to finish the job once more.

It had to be a sign. For the heavens themselves to send forth a rival. It meant the the end goal was approaching. He called forth his yojimbo, the shadowy ninja, Oni Lee.

"Go to the studios. Get the girls to safety, then clear the streets, The ancestors have given me a sign. The destined one nears, and our objective will finally be realized."

The shinobi bowed and obeyed. "Hiai, waga-aruji-sama"

Oni Lee then vanished to fulfill his master's will, leaving behind his trademark ash corpse, which broke apart with naught but a simple 'nin-nin' left echoing in the breeze.

As he rushed to face his divine foe his mind wandered back into the past where it all began...

 _*boom* "K-Kenta...I did it for the idoru...all of it..."_

 _"Please continue my legacy my friend..."_

 _"Make the idoru...a reality"_

Kenta grit his teeth. It was over so quick. Even with the burning determination of his Yamato Damashii, he couldn't help but feel threatened by Antilife

But he must persevere, for the sake of his ancestors

Of his people. And most of all, for the sacred vow made upon his honor.

The vow he made in the burning wreckage of Akihabara, as his anime burned around him, forever tainting the memory of his first visit to Japan. He swore that the Idols would never be forgotten, that once again, Idolm ster would run on illegal streaming sites to reign supreme over the masses.

Last time, someone had stumbled upon his "whorehouses", and discovered the idols training within.

He had been forced to hunt down and silence the man before he could spread the word; the idols simply weren't ready for the world yet, they still needed his training and protection.

For that was the duty of Dino-P.

 _I'm counting on you Kenta_

Antilife could not be allowed to stop this.

He gently rose from his chair, it's faithful service rewarded by the care he showed it.

And then, it was time. Flames flickered about him, cloth and leather beginning to smoke and stretch as his body shifted beneath his clothes.

Oni Lee flickered back before him, sprayed ash vanishing before it could land on anything. He bowed, and Lung grinned tightly in response.

Here and now, was the resurgence of his springtime

At this one, fleeting and transient instant, was the shining peak of his life

Never again would he burn so magnificently

And never had his fires been stoked so hotly until now

No longer was he man

He was a dragon

Nay, not even a dragon

For the determination within his soul and allowed him to break through the limit

And go even further beyond

And become the legend

The myth

He

Was

TROGDOOOOOOOOOOOR

Lung howled as he charged forwards towards his eternal enemy, foe of him and his since time immemorial, as his latent dinosaur genes urged him forwards in the name of vengeance. The warehouse shattered about him, the violent charge shattering everything about him. He slammed through building after building, growing hotter and larger with every step. The land about him scorched with every step, the plant life burninating with the movements he made.

Full throttle, full power. The sheer might he brought forth in this attack dwarfed the power he brought forth against Leviathan a hundredfold. And with a single step, he howled and exploded, his searing fury rising and piercing the heavens.

The city exploded into flames around him. Such potent fires, that made even hell itself feel cold, could only be the work of one person: Lung

But deep within the fire and flame, untouched by heat and foe, lay a single black pebble, shining malevolently in the umber light.

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	4. Fuck the police

Chuck squinted at the wall.

"Did I spell that right?"

WE WUZ KANGZ

Barry snorted. "Dude. Obviously. How else would it be spelled?"

Chuck mouthed the words slowly. "Weeee...waauuuusssss….kaaaannnnnnnggssss. Yeah, I got it right."

"Nice."

Chuckling in superiority, they turned away from the wall, immensely proud of themselves. Chucks zipper suddenly pulled itself down and chuckled with them. The two immediately straightened in fear, their laughter trailing off as Chuck's crotch continued to vibrate malevolently.

"L-Lord Gookwolf! We didn't know you would be here!"

The zipper pulled itself in anger. "Fool! I am everywhere!"

The streetlight above them flickered and groaned in the face of his impotent fury. The two cowered, professing their moral and intellectual inferiority to please Chuck's angered crotch.

The wall beside them exploded, KANG gently spinning off into the distance as Konan promptly expressed disdain for both their spelling and placement. Barry stared, one hand still attempting to please his lord.

"Lord?"

Gookwolf went cold. "Contact Kaiser. Ready Pepe."

Barry swallowed and turned away, pulling out his phone as Chuck was pulled into the air by his zipper, gently floating into the sky as Gookwolf began unfolding himself from his hiding spot in Chuck's pants.

Konan paused. "I wasn't expecting that."

"No one ever does," Gookwolf replied calmly.

"That's fair."

Gookwolf allowed his gleaming pecs to form first, permitting her to admire them as he struggled to get his legs untangled from Chuck's poor choice of underwear.

Konan chuckled, having known this would happen upon first glance with Chuck's choice of legwear, and began looking about for her teammates.

She turned away from Gookwolf, shredding Chuck's legs in anger, to search about with growing frustration.

A delicate cough alerted her to the presence she was searching for, a look up revealing Deidara, the fop, balanced precariously on the remnants of the wall.

She frowned at him, and he shrugged unrepentantly. "It seemed rude to interrupt."

"Interrupt what?"

He pointed at Gookwolf, who froze, holding Chuck's pelvis in the air triumphantly.

Deidara shrugged, making to jump away, before Konan hissed at him in frustration. "What the hell are you doing? Get down here. Pepe's gonna be here any minute, and Tobi's proven as unreliable as usual. Help me fucker."

Deidara rolled a carefully manicured eyebrow. "I already signalled the boss, and Tobi is likely drugged as usual, part and parcel of using LSD in place of dog food."

"We didn't think she'd eat it," Konan bit back. Deidara presumably smirked and turned away, flicking his finger and causing Gookwolf to howl from frustration as his leg began growing from his neck instead of the stump of his left thigh.

Deidara skipped away, perfectly in time with the flame explosion going off 30 miles to the north, which he primly ignored.

Konan groaned, and began walking after him, ignoring Gookwolf's angered screams.

Gookwolf clenched steel teeth, and turned away, tearing the tumor off his neck and jamming it back where it belonged. He shot a dirty look at Barry, who was mournfully cradling the remnants of "WE WUZ" in his pale hands. Gookwolf stalked over to him and slapped the masonry out of his hands. "If you have time to cry, you have time to make jews cry. Get the fuck back to work."

Gookwolf offered him a hand and Barry took it, gently wiping his eyes with Chuck's sleeve. "You're right Lord. I think there was an all black neighborhood nearby."

Gookwolf nodded in approval, feeling warmth chase away the bitter humiliation.

Then a black man with a metal headband screamed "BELIEVE IT" and spinkicked Barry's head off.

Gookwolf calmly wiped the blood off, caught Barry's head and hurled it at the man. The black man dodged, and then dove for Gookwolf's crotch. Panicking, Gookwolf stepped back, attempting to become one with nature once more, shapechange into a stronger animal, but the man would have none of it. He landed deftly on his toes, and bounced lightly at Gookwolf, soundly kicking him in the nuts with a scream of "RASENGAN".

The torsion to his nutsack laid Gookwolf low, and the black man raced away after beaning him with a pepper pellet.

Fleeing the scene of the crime, Black Naruto pumped his fist in victory, glad he'd made it to Konan's location before Kaiser had set Pepe into motion.

Mission, success.

He raced along, ignoring the fire and flames melting half the city to his right, the wind blowing strongly against his arms thrown back. His eyes faced forward as he felt himself moving faster and faster. The strength he felt was surely proof, that this was truly the path to heroism! Japan wasn't wrong! He would bring their glorious culture to justice.

Then, he spotted a lonely figure off in the distance, and his heart nearly beat out of his chest. The lone walk, the clenched fists, eyes down, burning with fury at an unjust world! He could see her...Pein.

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	5. Shattergrass

"And that's why I murdered him officer." Black Naruto explained.

The officer nodded. "Checks out. Next time bury the bodies deeper, or we'll have to hold you longer."

Black Naruto rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. "I will officer, believe it!"

The words struck a chord deep within the officer, and he exploded.

"Resonance, bitch." His skull laughed, and promptly began hopping down the street. Black Naruto idly watched it go.

"What a nice man."

Pein wiped the blood off her head.

"Disgusting."

Black Naruto shrugged. "He suffers."

"Suffer..." Pain muttered. "Such suffering...but for what...?"

"Art, I presume."

Pein looked at the blood splatters with new eyes, and Black Naruto coughed. " _My_ art."

"It's beautiful."

Black Naruto fistpumped.

"You're _perfect_."

Pein blinked. "For what?"

"The troupe!" Black Naruto explained excitedly. "I've never met another cosplayer, we assumed they'd all been purged by Lung to feed his lace fetish. But you're _on point_!"

Pein blinked. "I'm not cosplaying."

"That's the spirit!" Black Naruto cheered. "Now let's go save people."

Pein looked about flatly. "There's no one to save. What do you..."

Black Naruto looked up from where he was grabbing a bottle off the ground.

"Oh, that's easy. There's plenty we'll be able to find down the street, real shortly."

"What's there? A hospital? An orphanage?"

"Nah, just a gas station."

* * *

"I approve," Pein muttered to herself.

She watched another drug dealer dive out a burning window and eat shit. There went another stain on the world...another tumorous insect, cleansed.

And then Black Naruto went flying past her.

"BITCH YOU WHAT"

"Run Pein!" Black Naruto coughed bloodily. "It's...it's skidmark!"

A naked twiggish looking motherfucker holding a pill bottle ran out the building. "IT IS I, SKIDMARK"

Pein eyed him doubtfully. "What could he possibly do to me? He looks like he's half dead. And drugged up. And weak."

"THESE ARE ALL TRUE STATEMENTS"

"Arguable, but the point is he's currently invincible." Black Naruto explained, seemingly getting comfortable on the asphalt.

" _What_."

"He took cocaine."

The thin man downed the entire bottle.

There was a beat of silence.

The air itself was charged with energy, and sparks began to flicker betwixt the two.

Skidmark's eyes began to bulge, and he began to pant. Breathing harder and harder, veins began popping from his head.

"OH SHIT!" Black Naruto screamed. "HE'S USING HIS V-TRIGGER"

Steam began coiling around Skidmark, and he was soon hidden from view.

"WHAT?" Pein screamed, unable to hear him over the sound of sparks popping around her.

" _MORE DRUGS_ _!_ "

"IT'S TOO LATE." A voice rumbled, shaking the dirt around them. "I ASSUMED MY ULTIMATE FORM. I AM NOW...SKIDMURK. 'WARE."

"BUT WHY?!"

"I WANTED TO GET HIGH. THIS IS A SIDE BENEFIT."

Pein nodded wisely. "That makes sense."

The steam cleared...and he looked exactly the same. But he was glowing chalky white.

"MRREKJFNEJNFKENFDEKD" Skidmurk screamed, and fell over.

Pein stared. Black Naruto screamed. "OH GOD! WE CAN'T BEAT HIM! HE'S _EVEN MORE COMPLETELY INVINCIBLE!_ "

"But he's not moving."

Black Naruto stared at her. "What? What could he do if he moved?"

Pein felt somewhat uncertain. "I thought he...well, you screamed...I thought he was dangerous."

"Fuck no, he's still shit. He's not the problem though, and now that he's invincible, we can't make him stop it either."

Pein felt the beginnings of fear coil in her gut. "What?"

"MUSH, GET THEM."

And then a giant mass of what appeared to be glass and filth tore out of the building, halting just behind Skidmark.

Black Naruto screamed like Gookwolf had returned the favor. "OH GOD HE'S GONNA GET US."

Pein swallowed. "What...what is that?"

Black Naruto looked at her with the eyes of a dead man. "That's Mush. His power is to collect garbage around him and turn it into a mass. See that pile? It's made entirely out of _drugs and used needles_."

Mush screamed at them with a voice like broken glass begin sat on, and they responded like people about to get some truly horrible diseases.

" **Never fear, it is I, Armsmaster!"**

"It's Armsmaster!" They cheered.

The silvery hero jumped down from a nearby rooftop, all three arms waving in the breeze. " **Foul villain, I shall defeat you with all three of my arms!"**

Mush looked unimpressed.

" **EFFICIENCY PUNCH!"** Armsmaster screamed, and slapped the walking mass of garbage.

Mush didn't even move.

Armsmaster appeared frozen for a moment, before standing up straight from his punching posture.

He stood for three seconds, or so, before collapsing to his knees.

" **NO! I HAVE CONTRACTED** _ **AIDS!**_ "

Black Naruto screamed in horror. "OH GOD HE HAS _AIDS!_ GET AWAY, IT'S CONTAGIOUS!"

Armsmaster screamed as his skin began bubbling from the AIDS consuming his flesh for sustenance.

Everyone besides Skidmurk and Mush began rapidly backing away. Even the corpses, idly muttering among themselves at how terribly inappropriate this all way.

Soon, there was nothing left of the silver hero but a single metallic arm, middle finger upraised to the sky.

Pein wiped away a tear. Poetry.

Mush burped.

"I'm good now, yo."

Skidmurk nodded.

"THAT'S COOL BRO. GO CATCH SOME SLEEP."

Mush turned to Skidmurk. "You gon' be alright?"

Skidmurk waved an idle hand. "DON'T WORRY 'BOUT ME MAN, ISS ALL GOOD."

Mush nodded and walked back into the building.

All was silent.

Then Skidmurk raised a single hand and pointed at them.

"FUCK OFF."

They obliged.

 **Don't like, don't read**


End file.
